Broken
by alexlovesgerard93
Summary: Ricky's past is a dark secret to us all. We know he has been abused, but we don't know how it happened. This is him, his story, his dark past.
1. Broken

**A/N: Hey SLAT fans! I'm glad you decided to drop by to check out my story. I really hope you enjoy this one. It's done from Ricky's POV. I wanted more insight on the kid who knows how to be so bad, but is dying to be good. You know what I mean? Well, you'll see! Love always, Alex**

**Broken**

"Hey, Ricky!" Grace calls out my name in the hallway. I face her hesitantly. I didn't have the energy to be dishonest. In fact, I was in desperate need of a hug. But I'd never admit that, especially to a girl. That'd ruin my reputation here. Here, high school, hell. There seems to be a pattern. Grace touches my shoulder and I flinch. She tries to hide the hurt look in her eyes. I feel bad. I didn't mean that. But every time someone reaches out to touch me…I can't help, but…

"Are you okay?" she asks. I nod quickly and walk past her. I hate leaving her alone like that. But that's what the poser does. Not the real Ricky. The fake Ricky leaves a girl standing alone in the hallway. The real Ricky leaves the house shirtless to rescue her. I have to get out of here. I'm suffocating, dying, and I don't want to have a mental breakdown in front of the jerks that go to this school.

As soon as I step outside I see Amy. Sweet, shy Amy. The same Amy I took advantage of. The same Amy I had sex with. It doesn't matter to the fake Ricky. He's out to have sex with every girl in school. I see Amy fall and I run to catch her. She looks at me with wide eyes. "Are you okay?" I ask softly. No, I let the real Ricky take over. I can't do that. I'll be exposed to nothing but more pain.

Amy nods and looks past me. "I need to talk to you about something." She starts. I keep my eyes on her. I notice an awkward movement she makes. She starts rubbing her stomach nervously. Weird… "Ricky, I'm…I'm…I'm…" she trails off, stuttering uncontrollably. She turns away, her back facing me.

"What is it?" I ask her, getting mildly impatient. She turns around. "I-I-I….I'll call you later!" she exclaims and runs past me, entering the school. I watch her go. I go down the school steps, dragging my backpack. Adrian's car pulls up on the side of the curve. She jumps out.

"Jerk." She mutters to me. I scoff. What's with women today? "What'd I do this time, Adrian?" I ask coolly. She slaps my arm. "Don't pretend you don't know!" she exclaims. She hits me again. It doesn't hurt. Nothing hurts when you're completely numb.

"Enlighten me, cause I don't know." I tell her. Adrian smirks at me. She's a brilliant, beautiful girl. She washed it all away for sex, sex, and more sex. Why does everything have to be about sex? Asking that must make me a hypocrite, but I ignore the thought.

She hands me a condom. I try my hardest not to scream. "What's wrong, Adrian? Are you pissed that I didn't sleep with you last night?" I regret asking. But it is more hurtful to me then it is to her. "Wrong, Ricky. Jack did. So you have _nothing _to worry about, baby." She slips past me, shoving her butt into my hip. I shake my head, rolling my eyes. I start walking home, dizzily. As I pass the baseball park, I see a man with long blonde hair teaching his extremely young blonde son to hit a ball.

"Just like this, Matt." He says, patting the boy's back. The boy hits the ball and squeals with joy. A memory floods through my brain.

"_You are so worthless, Ricky! Can't you damn learn to do anything right?" Dad smacks me again. It's harder then before, more hate with each passing punch._

_I don't care anymore. "Go ahead, old man. Give me your best shot." I spit out. I cough up blood. A tooth falls to the floor. Shit. Second one this year. He hits me again and I fall to the floor weakly. "Look at you. Why don't you fight like a real man, shitface?" PUNCH! "Stupid idiot!" PUNCH! "You're nothing but extra work to me!" PUNCH!_

_I lay on the floor. Is this the day I'm going to die? "Why don't you love me?" I ask him. I hate myself for asking. I'm so weak…so pathetic…so useless. Dad pulls me up by the collar. "Love? LOVE! You want my love? I'll give you my love!" He drops me to the floor and pulls down my pants. I'm too weak to fight back. "No…don't…" I trail off and he begins harming me. _

"_Go on, boy! FIGHT ME! FIGHT ME NOW! I DARE YOU! FIGHT ME!" _

I stare at the baseball park, returning from the past. The man and his son were gone. I feel nauseous. I run to the nearest garbage can and hurl. I look up at the sky. The sky is spinning. The sky is falling. I'm falling. Falling…. back.

"_Do you remember what happened, kid?" the officer asks me. I space out. "What?" I ask. He sighs. "Do you remember what happened…" He looks at his notepad. "Ricky?" I nod, shake my head quickly, then nod again. _

"_Make up your mind, kid." The officer tells me. He's getting impatient. "Don't yell at me." I beg. I look down. The cup of coffee is tilting. The officer arches his eyebrows. "Get a doctor in here!" he exclaims, poking his head out the door. _

_He approaches me. "Are you doing drugs?" I look at him. "Drugs?" I echo. He sighs. "Yes, drugs, LSD, smoking pot, drugs, are you high?" I shake my head. "I don't know, sir. I just…" I trail off. "Don't know."_

_He leaves the room. I hear him talking outside. "Someone needs to take that boy in. Put him in foster care. I'm not letting him sit behind bars just because his father shoved heroin in his arm." The officer argues. "HE NEEDS A HOME!"_

"Ricky, oh my gosh, are you okay?" Grace helps me sit up. I nod quickly and stare at her. A loose strand of hair hung messily in front of her eyes. On impulse, I push it behind her ear. She smiles at me. "I'm fine, Grace." I tell her. I groan. My stomach is killing me. What did I eat?

"What's wrong?" she asks me, her voice flooding with concern. I stare into her eyes. Her lips touch my cheek briefly. "I'm sorry, that was out of line." She apologizes immediately, the color rushing to her face. "Grace, Grace!" She stops and looks at me. I stand up and she takes a step back. "Shut up, Grace." I pull her closer to me and kiss her instantly, caressing her cheek. She grows soft in my arms and wraps her arms around me.

We pull away. Grace is shocked. "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow." She walks past me, stops, and faces me again. "Ricky?" She calls my name. I nod. "Yes?" I ask. She kisses me softly and pulls away rushing off. I smile, shaking my head slowly.

Walking home is a blur to me, but I get there. "I'm home!" I shout in the empty house. No one is home. I take advantage of that moment and punch my fist into the wall. "WHY? OH GOD!" I fall to the floor, on the verge of tears. "Oh God, help me. NO! STOP TOUCHING ME!" I punch the air blindly. No one's there. You're losing it Ricky. Get a hold of yourself. "STOP DAD!" I'm cracking, almost broken.

My cell phone rings. UNKNOWN NUMBER. I answer anyway. "Hello?" My voice is hoarse. "Ricky?" a female voice says softly. I clear my throat. "Amy?" I barely recognize her voice. She sounds like she's been crying. Like me. Crying just like me.

"I'm pregnant, Ricky. You're the father." She whispers. The phone falls from my hand. No longer cracking, I'm finally broken.


	2. Hope

**Hey, everyone! This scene involves Ricky's foster parents, but I don't know their names, so I'll call them Jack and Rose (Titanic, anyone??). If anyone does know their names, please tell me in a review, so I can re-edit! Thanks!! - Alex**

**Hope**

"Ricky, aren't you going to have dinner?" Rose asks softly, opening the door. I lay still in bed, wishing the world would stop and let me die.

"I'm not hungry." I lie. My stomach growls loudly, giving me away. Jack enters the room behind Rose and sits on my bed next to me.

"You have to eat, son." He pats the back of my head. I jump away from his hand, and topple to the ground. My wrist cracks on the wood and I see bright red fill my head.

"JESUS!" I shout, clutching my wrist. Rose approaches me quickly and Jack runs out of the room. I hear his footsteps hit the floor. Thud, thud, thud. _Punch, punch, punch._ "Ricky! Oh, dear! Show me your wrist, sweetheart!" She grabs my wrist, gently.

I cast my eyes away from my wrist and focus on the floor. I see purple spots, yellow spots, where the color should be flat and normal. "I'm not your son." I mutter.

Jack enters the room, carrying ice in his hand. Rose looks at me. "What?" she asks. Jack bends down and presses the ice against my wrist. "I'm not your son." I repeat. My voice breaks.

Jack and Rose stare at me, confused and hurt. "Why do you say that, Ricky?" Jack asks. I don't understand the question. "I'M NOT YOUR SON!" I don't remember why I screamed it, but I couldn't keep myself from repeating the words over and over again.

"I have no father, my father's not there for me!" I exclaim, no longer holding back the big tears that slide down my cheeks and land on my lips. I lick my lips, tasting the salty tears. "He hates me, why does he hate me? I tried to be a good son, I tried to be a good boy!" The words aren't mine anymore, but of someone who used to be me.

Rose reaches out to wipe away my tears and I turn away from her hand. She stifles a sob. The ice slides from Jack's hand, to the floor. "I'm a bad son. A bad son makes a bad father. It's my fault, all my fault!" I cry out.

I start to cry, my loud sobs cutting the air. Jack touches my shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "No, Ricky. You're a great son." Rose comforts me. She touches my cheek, and tilts my head to face her.

"You are a great son, and you will be a great young man. The things your real father did to you aren't your fault. He was just a very confused man." She talks to me as though I'm a child, but in that moment, that's all I want to be.

"I hate him." I say shortly, my voice deep because of the tears. More tears slide down my face. I can't control them anymore. I don't want to control them. I don't want to be fake anymore. I don't want to take advantage of people anymore. I want to cry tears I never cried. I want to change my life, because I couldn't do it before, because I was weak, and I was scared. I'm not scared anymore. Now that I've broken, new pieces will grow and replace the bad things I used to do.

"I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!" I look at my wrist, oddly bent to the side. I gnaw my bottom lip nervously.

"I think…I need a doctor." I chuckle lightly and wipe away my tears with the back of my hand. I look up at Jack. "He would call me a pussy if I showed any emotion whatsoever. I'm not a pussy to you, am I?" I can't believe I asked him. I can't believe my true feelings took over. Jack shakes his head.

"Ricky, you are my son and I love you. If you cry or laugh or scream, I will never, ever, believe you're a pussy." He squeezes my shoulder again and I smile, an honest smile that I haven't found the strength to use in a very long time.

"Thank you…Dad." I turn to Rose. "I have to see Amy. No, take me to Grace. Rose, can I go to Grace first, then Amy?" I ask, my voice rushed. I snort loudly, finding it hard to breathe.

Rose nods. "Of course. But you know how to drive, so I don't know why you're asking me." She tells me. I nod quickly and stand up, approaching the doorway. "Ricky!" I turn around. Jack points at my wrist. I laugh nervously.

"Grace's dad is a doctor…" I trail off. Rose rolls her eyes and signals me off. I race down the steps and out the door, grabbing the car keys on the way out. As soon as I get in the car, I wipe away my tears.

I get to Grace's house within minutes. I slowly get out of the car, trying to act cool. I knock on the door and Tom answers, peeking out the door. "Hey Tom, is your sister home?" I ask quietly. Tom grins at me.

"Yes." He says. He opens the door further, and I step inside. Grace sat on a couch, watching TV. She looks at me and stands up quickly. "Ricky, is something wrong?"

Her hand touches mine. I don't know what it is about this moment, but the look in her eyes gives me hope.


	3. Pure

Hey guys

Hey guys! Actually, I'm not sure if I want to turn this into an actual story, but I'm writing whenever I get the chance. Ricky's character intrigues me. He's portrayed as a jerk on the show, when someone who's suffered that much pain, wouldn't go anywhere near to being a real jerk. But I understand why he has sex with every girl he sees. He's trying to prove that he's a man, because he appears to have had his childhood (and virginity) stolen from his father, a possible raging drunk. Guys who are raped by other guys feel they have to prove they are really men by having sex with lots of girls. That's sort of how I interpreted it. I've read lots of books and seen lots of movies that touch that subject. Tell me what you think about it.

**Love,**

**Alex**

Pure

I don't know where I found the strength to tell Grace about my past. I never believed to have had that kind of power in me. It was hard to tell her. I didn't want her to see me like this. There are things about my past that people shouldn't know about. It hurts to know those kinds of things. It hurts to know that someone else has gone through those kinds of things. But it hurts even more to spill your guts out and try not to cry. I tried not to cry, but found myself taking tissues out of a Kleenex box on the table.

Grace dabbed at her eyes with a tissue as well. "Ricky, I don't think this makes you less of a man. It makes you more of a man, because you proved that you have the bravery to talk about it. You can never forget your past, but it doesn't mean it's going to control you for the rest of your life. You have suffered and I hope you can find it in your heart to love again." Her voice cracks and she pulls me into a hug. I hug her back, keeping my wounded right wrist on my lap.

"I know I'll be able to love. But first, I should start by loving myself. Not only do I abuse myself by being promiscuous, but also I abuse the various girls whose lives are ruined by this event. I ruined Amy's life. I don't know why I felt this could ruin mine. I'm not the one that has to walk around with a big fat belly reminding me of my mistakes. She does." My eyes dart back and forth and I sigh loudly, calming myself down. Grace nods.

"Go to her, Ricky. Ask her forgiveness." Grace tells me. Other days, I might have scoffed at the idea. Today, I couldn't agree more. "Grace?" I ask, taking her hand in mine. She nods at me, wiping away the last of her tears. I don't know how to ask her this question. I would never ask anyone else. I'd even reconsider asking her. But in order to be brave, I need to ask. It's either now or never.

"What's it like to be pure?" I ask. My voice nearly chokes. My emotions are overwhelming me and I force the tears back inside of my head. Grace slightly arches her eyebrows in surprise. She looks away from me for a moment.

"I don't know. Being pure isn't an emotion, Ricky. It's a way of life. It's not too late to be pure, you know. There's always time. No matter what people say, there will always be room in your heart to be pure. Even if you start now, God will forgive you. He will make you clean." Grace glances at me again, wearing a small smile.

I nod, grimacing a bit. "I don't think I'll ever be clean. That's one thing I'll never get back. I'll always be dirty and you'll always be clean. I'm a bad guy, Grace. As much as I want to change that, I know I never will. I'm not good enough for you." I squeeze her hand, avoiding her eyes.

"Ricky, who are you to tell me what's good enough for me?" Grace asks, turning my head to face her. She grips my hand. "I'll be with whoever I want to be with, you included. Not even God can tell me who's right for me." She smiles and pecks my cheek.

I chuckle lightly. Tom approaches us with a gauze wrap. "It's for your hand, Ricky." He says. I lift my hand and he wraps it around my hand. When he pins it, he pinches me and I wince. "Carefully!" I exclaim. Tom laughs. "Sorry." He tells me lightly. I nod and pull my arm away from his hand.

I kiss Grace briefly, drawing my tongue against her bottom lip. Hmm, some things will never change. I pull away from Grace, slightly smirking. Her eyes are wide, stunned. Tom pats my back. "I think it's time for you to go." He demands, in shock for his sister. I wave at her. "Bye, Grace." I say. She nods, recovering from the shock. "Bye, Ricky." She murmurs.

The door closes behind me and I jump in my car, carefully directing my right hand towards the ignition. I start the car and back out of the driveway. Grace and Amy seemed oblivious to how close they lived to one another. I arrived to Amy's house within minutes.

I get out of the car and arrive at the door. I knock a few times and a voluptuous girl answers the door. "Hi there. Is Amy home?" I ask. The girl rolls her eyes and turns around. "Amy, some guy is here for you and it's not Ben." Amy approaches the door.

"Oh great. This is Ricky, Ashley!" she exclaims at the girl angrily. Ashley sighs. "Oh, so this is the dude who impregnated you?" she asks. Amy shushes her instantly. I stand there, awkwardly. Amy turns to me. "Come on in." I step inside past her and stare at what I assume to be the kitchen. I follow Amy to a sofa. She sits on the couch in front of me.

Ashley follows, sitting on the recliner between the two couches. Amy stares at Ashley. "Some privacy, please?" she asks, sarcastically. I sigh loudly. Ashley scoffs and shakes her head. "Yeah, right. I remember what happened the first time you two were left alone. I don't want another baby boomer." Her voice was dry and sarcastic, and I had to laugh. Amy glares at me, then back at Ashley.

"Please, Ashley?" She says pleadingly. Her voice made me pity her, and Ashley fell for it as well. "Fine, don't do anything I wouldn't do. No, wait, you already have." She smirks at Amy and leaves the room. Amy faces me.

"What are you doing here, Ricky?" Amy asks me. She pushes her hair behind her ear, and rubs her stomach again. The only answer I can come up with is, "I want to be pure."


End file.
